Reviewer: TheMoreSmutTheBetter Signed [Report This]
Date: March 01, 2011 11:59 AM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

ARGH!  Please disregard my last posting.

It turns out that no matter what I do, everything I type comes out like BOLD font... and the UNDERLINE feature still is not working.  It has to be a glitch of the website and not you.

Please accept my apologies.

Reviewer: TheMoreSmutTheBetter Signed [Report This]
Date: March 01, 2011 11:47 AM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

Umm, some quick questions for you:

1. Why are all four chapters in BOLD font?
2. Is there some significance for all the chapters to have been presented in BOLD font?

The reason why I'm asking is that I thought that you might not have realized that by over using the BOLD font feature makes its purpose, which is to place emphasis onto something, useless.  IT WOULD BE LIKE TO WRITE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.  The reader will not know the difference between what is normal speech and what is being stressed.  It would be similiar to over using the Italic font feature (which I have seen some authors do).  My own usage of the BOLD font feature is due to the fact that the underline feature DOES NOT work on this website (at least it didn't the last time that I tried to use it, which was back in January 2011, but I'm going to give it another shot today to see if the bug has been fixed).

Other than that... love this story.

=)

Reviewer: TheMoreSmutTheBetter Signed [Report This]
Date: February 28, 2011 3:20 PM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

The three of them dancing together was hotter than He££ and sexier than six kinds of sin.
;~D

.-.-.
Great chapter and story.  I looking forward to reading additional chapters.

=)

.-.-.
ERRORs found needing correction:

1. 'Tipping my head back I found myself looking into Jaspers sparkling blue eyes.'  ["Jaspers" ought to be "Jasper's"]
2. 'Jaspers voice was soft ...'  ["Jaspers" ought to be "Jasper's"]
3. 'Edwards arm wrapped around my waist ...'  ["Edwards" ought to be "Edward's"]
4. 'The feel of Jaspers lips behind my ear ...'  ["Jaspers" ought to be "Jasper's"]
5. 'Edwards words were nearly a growl.'  ["Edwards" ought to be "Edward's"]
6. '"There's some people who you need to meet baby girl."'  ["meet baby" ought to be "meet you baby"]
7. 'I looked up at Jasper from my place at Bellas ear.'  ["Bellas" ought to be "Bella's"]
8. 'Bellas seductive scent ...'  ["Bellas" ought to be "Bella's"]
9. 'Bellas taste was my ambrosia, ...'  ["Bellas" ought to be "Bella's"]
10. '... and our tongued danced together, ...'  ["tongued" ought to be "tongues"]
11. 'I hoped he would announce to the crowd what he saw here, further embarrassing Bella.'  ["would announce" ought to be "would not announce"]
12. '... as Jasper and I regrettably released Bella from our grasps. "There's some people who you need to meet baby girl."'  ["meet baby" ought to be "meet you baby"]
13. '... and started to leaned towards her face.'  ["leaned" ought to be "lean"]
14. 'I didn't care who saw or want they would think.'  ["want" ought to be "what"]
15. 'A smiled was plastered across his face ...'  ["smiled" ought to be "smile"]
16. '... away from Cullen and I. "There's some people who you need to meet baby girl."'  ["meet baby" ought to be "meet you baby"]

Reviewer: TheMoreSmutTheBetter Signed [Report This]
Date: February 28, 2011 2:08 PM Title: And that's when you lose yourself....

Umm, what does this phrase mean?  'Fucking me running.'  I've never heard that one before.

.-.-.
'"I'd prefer it, Bella. Please do come. Come for us."'

Oooo, I love the naughty way that this quote can be taken, you know?
;~D

And this quote too... ' This was going to be a long fucking ride.'

Oh He££ yeah, I would love to take those two studs on a 'long fucking ride', you know?
;~D

.-.-.
Great chapter.

=)

.-.-.
ERRORs found needing correction:

1. 'He stumbled under the weight of her newly limb body.'  ["limb" ought to be "limp"]
2. 'I ran my finder down the length of her spine ...'  ["finder" ought to be "finger"]
3. 'Maybe this wasn't going to me as hard as we thought.'  ["me" ought to be "be"]
4. 'Yes, Jasper was good getting women into bed, ...'  ["good getting" ought to be "good at getting"]
5. 'Something happened and I almost fell over as Bella became limb in my arm.'  ["limb" ought to be "limp"]  ["arm" ought to be "arms"]
6. 'I grabbed Bella around her waste and pressed myself up against her back.'  ["waste" ought to be "waist"]
7. '"I'll see you after school sweetheart, don't keep waiting."'  ["keep waiting" ought to be "keep me waiting"]
8. 'I knew the perfect was to get her at my house ...'  ["was" ought to be "way"]
9. '... we hardly ever needed to discuss our plans before acting them.'  ["acting them" ought to be "acting on them"]
10. 'She saw us staring at her and headed in direction of her truck.'  ["in direction" ought to be "in the direction"]
11. '... before she got to her truck and made a get away.'  ["get away" ought to be "getaway"]
12. 'Jaspers voice was soft and slow ...'  ["Jaspers" ought to be "Jasper's"]
13. 'He ran a finger down the length of my spine to the top of her skirt and around my hip.'  ["her" ought to be "my"]

 

Reviewer: TheMoreSmutTheBetter Signed [Report This]
Date: February 28, 2011 12:13 PM Title: Chapter 2

*::chuckling::*
'Reviews are ego sex and we are some huge whores.'  That is just too funny - I love it!

.-.-.
An immediate translation of the note, written in French, from Alice would have been appreciated seeing as some of it did NOT translate due to it eith being slang or a typo.  The following had the translators stumped:

• connai3;tre
• k0

.-.-.
'My head snapped up like a shot as I felt a hand firmly slap my ass. My face burned as I looked for the perpetrator. Searching the crowd I found a pair of sparkling blue eyes and a fuck me grin staring at me. I opened my mouth but couldn't form any words. Blue Eyes gave me another wink and strutted off to join Dimples and Bronze Boy in the cafeteria.'

WooHoo!  Jasper has made the first sexual overtone contact with Bella - lucky girl!
;~D

I enjoy the nicknames that she has give to Jasper, Emmett and Edward - cute.

.-.-.
'Blue Eyes sat alone at an empty table. He had on that dirty fuck me smile and a gleam in his eye. He caught my eye and winked before cocking a finger towards me, motioning me to come over. My brain screamed at me to stay at my lonely table, but my fucking feet were not complying. As I drifted closer to him Blue Eyes smile grew bigger.'

Wow, it is like he has some sort of magnetic power over her, hey?

.-.-.
Wow, they (Jasper and Edwar) are both such manwhores/players.  As sexy as they are, I would love for Bella to receive their attentions, BUT I would not want her to get hurt by them, you know?

.-.-.
Good read.

=)

By the way, your BETA reader missed a few errors.  I just thought that you might like to know, you know?

.-.-.
ERRORs found needing correction:

1. '... he just tried to damn hard to impress me.'  ["to" ought to be "too"]
2. '... my introduction en
   
   francais and sat quickly.'  [There was an un-necessary carridge return between the words "en" and "francais"].
3. 'Bienvenue auxForks'  ["auxForks" ought to be "aux Forks"]
4. '"So yeah, you'll be sitting with us at lunch, right? ▒Cause everyone is so excited to meet you. You are big news Isabella..."'  ["right? ▒Cause" ought to be "right? Cause" - what the heck is this "▒" anyways?]
5. 'As I drifted closer to him Blue Eyes smile grew bigger.'  ["Blue Eyes smile" ought to be "Blue Eye's smile"]
6. 'I gave her my sexy grin. y2;I knew that."'  ["grin. y2;I knew" ought to be "grin. "I knew" - the opening quotation mark turned into some sort of jumbled mixed character mess.]
7. 'Grabbing one of my Lucky Strikes I it lit up as I saw Cullen's pussy car pull in.'  ["I it lit up" ought to be "I lit it up"]
8. 'With that, we tossed our Lucky's and headed to class.'  ["Lucky's" ought to be "Luckys"]
9. 'I spent most of the morning devising a way to talk to new girl alone.'  ["to new" ought to be "to the new"]
10. 'I grinned as of I caught sight of new girl.'  ["as of I caught" ought to be "as I caught"]
11. '... smiling and showing his dimples, y2;she's checkin you out."'  ["dimples, y2;she's" ought to be "dimples, "she's" - the opening quotation mark turned into some sort of jumbled mixed character mess.]  ["checkin" ought to be "checking"]
12. '"Damnit Alice, will you please get leave me the fuck alone. Do you have your own bathroom you know."'  ["Damnit" ought to be "Dammit"]  ["please get leave me" ought to be "please leave me"]  ["Do you have" ought to be "You do have"]
13. 'y2;"ust shut the hell up and go away."'  ["y2;"ust shut" ought to be ""Just shut"]
14. '... we had both wanted to moment we saw her.'  ["wanted to moment" ought to be "wanted the moment"]
15. 'If she was quite she was eye-fucking us.'  ["quite" ought to be "quiet"]
16. 'Wow, boy I know she's a new conquest but you dont I cut my inner rabbles off as I laid eyes and the vision in front of me.'  ["dont" ought to be "don't"]  ["eyes and the" ought to be "eyes on the"]
17. 'Sometime I felt like I knew more than the teachers did, ...'  ["Sometime" ought to be "Sometimes"]
18. '"Em," Jasper greeted our friend like he wasn't half as important he was.'  ["important he" ought to be "important as he"]
19. 'As soon as though words escaped Emmett's mouth new girl's eyes and mine met.'  ["mouth new" ought to be "mouth the new"]

Reviewer: TheMoreSmutTheBetter Signed [Report This]
Date: February 28, 2011 10:36 AM Title: And it Starts......

*::chuckling::*
'Christ on a condom'

I love this saying/phrase; it is too funny.

.-.-.
Poor Bella to have fallen on the ice and felt such embarrassment; at least she got a wink from and checked out by Jasper.

=)

.-.-.
ERRORs found needing correction:

1. 'Blue eyes raked his eyes over me appricitively again, ...'  ["appricitively" ought to be "appreciatively"]
2. '... I turned back to see Mike Newton looking at me expetantly.'  ["expetantly" ought to be "expectantly"]
   

Reviewer: alicejasperfan Signed [Report This]
Date: November 03, 2010 1:00 AM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

Holy fucking hot shit batman! LOL ;) Loved this Chapter!

Author's Response:

Hey baby!!!   Thanks so muchfor reading and reviewing!  I am really glad you liked it, there is more to come.....but be forewarned?  We are enaring the end of the prewritten chapters..... but there will be more and hopefully you will like those too!

Pole dances and panty flashes,

    Pups

Reviewer: thackebeil1 Signed [Report This]
Date: November 02, 2010 2:43 PM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

Please don't let them play her? I don't want her to be seen like a hoe. I don't care who she picks but right now Edward seems to care a lot more then Jasper. He's going to want a relationship and it won't be cool knowing that your girl smashed the homies

Author's Response:

Hi sweetie!  I'm glad you are reading and thank you for taking teh time to review~!V and I know where this is going and it may seem like they are playing her but remember, it's early still.  Dot worry about the boys friendship, they will be fine.  Thanks again sugar!

 

Pole dances and Panty flashes,

    Pups

Reviewer: I WANT A JASPER Signed [Report This]
Date: October 30, 2010 9:05 AM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

Oh, I'm so loving this so far! 2 hot boys sandwiching ya on the balcony? Sign me up! :) Can't wait for your next update!

I listed your story on my blog to let other ff fans know it's one of my current guilty pleasures! It's really new, but I'm hoping some people stop by & check out the awesome stories I've listed & recommended.

Bridgette

dreamin-of-jasper.blogspot.com

Author's Response:

Hi babycakes!

   I am so excited that you are liking this story!!!!!Thanks soooo much for pimping us on your blog!  Wow!  If I had any modesty at all I would blush!  I'll make sure to stop by sweets!

Pole dances and panty flashes,

   Pups

Reviewer: smelsies Signed [Report This]
Date: October 28, 2010 10:14 PM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

RS: So these two boys are really wanting to get in her pants but will they be jerks and walk away afterward? Because that seems like the kind of guys they are. Or will they change because she is special? I am glad someone is sticking up for her and I hope Alice means what she says. If they fuck up the sweet Bella Swan just for their own pleasure then they need to have their balls in a jar. I really love your story and can't wait to read more.

Author's Response:

Hi honey-

  Youa re a prolific reviewer, thank you so much!  I can;t say which of our boyes will change because of Bella but at least one of them will.  :-)  Its an ongoing debate between VV and myself......I, personally, LOVE Alice and am pleased that you like her idea, and yes, she means what she says.  She may be tiny but she is influential.  :-)   I'm so glad you are liking teh story sweets....we love that!  Thanks again.

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

   Pups

Reviewer: fangrl Signed [Report This]
Date: October 28, 2010 10:13 PM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

That was seriously a sexy chapter. I am enjoying the alternating POV's. Gives the story more depth and tells even more about exactly what each character is thinking and feeling. I'm hooked!

Author's Response:

Well hello darlin'-

    I'm glad you liked both the chapter and the POV's.....  They only last for a few more chapters but there are some outtakkes that we have worked on and we do take requests if you want something from someone else's POV down the line.  Thanks for taking the time to read and review lovey.

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

   Pups

Reviewer: smelsies Signed [Report This]
Date: October 28, 2010 9:52 PM Title: And that's when you lose yourself....

RS: So she doesn't see that they are total players? Well maybe she is a bit of a player too and just isn't obvious about it. She doesn't even know them and is going home with them? Is she nuts they could be killers for all she knows. I mean I don't think they are but she is really being kinda dumb. I would want to screw them too but I would be a lot smarter about it. I still love the story though.

Author's Response:

Hiya sweets!-

   It;s not that hse doesn't see, its that she hasnt really processed it....yet.  Like I said, she will though, Give my girl some time.  Thanks so much for reaading and reviewing!

 

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

  Pups

Reviewer: smelsies Signed [Report This]
Date: October 28, 2010 9:14 PM Title: Chapter 2

RS: I hope she isn't stupid enough to fall for these boy's bullshit. I really hope she makes them work for it. I know they are hot and she would most likely want them but I hope she doesn't let them play with her head and heart. There is nothing wrong with getting so good sexin but don't let them bullshit you.

Author's Response:

Hi darlin'-

   She will amke them work for it, it'll just take a few chapters.....It may seem like she's falling for it but she will come around, eventually, I promise.  I can promise because I am writing it!  She slips a bit in the upcoming chapters butm rest assured, my girl will be back and strong willed.

 Thanks for reviewing babes!

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

   Pups

Reviewer: smelsies Signed [Report This]
Date: October 28, 2010 8:44 PM Title: And it Starts......

RS: Well I wonder what the two hot guys were laughing about. I am guessing I will get to find out. So mike is already making a pest out of himself huh? Well I hope Bella puts him in his place quickly. I am really interested in finding out what is coming next.

Author's Response:

Hi there darlin!-

  Thanks for taking the time to read and review, it means alot to us.  You will indeed find out what the boys are laughing about and more! And yes, Mike is quite the pest and my girl(I say my only because I am writing her POV in the little adventure) does put Douche Newton in his place.....eventually.  :-)  Hope you like the rest!

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

    Pups

Reviewer: kisbydog Signed [Report This]
Date: October 27, 2010 6:28 PM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

RS

This story is sooo hot! I love me some Jasper/Edward/Bella lovin'.  How can she possible choose just one of them? 

I absolutely love 'Alone'!  Always wanted to be sandwiched between two gorgeous guys while dancing to it.  *sigh*

 

Author's Response:

Thanks BB!!!!  It gets hotter in the next chappie..... which, BTB, is only Edwards POV......Everytime I hear Alone, wether I am in the grocery store, car, work whatever- This scene flashes into my heard and I. Am. Done.  I blame V my amazinghot writing poartner for that.  :-)  Thanks for reviewing sweets, I'll send you a snippet by PM mwah!!!!

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

   Pups

Reviewer: kbelle Signed [Report This]
Date: October 27, 2010 5:06 PM Title: And she stands under the barlights.....

Great chapter. Too bad Emmett interrupted them. lol....

Author's Response:

cmon now darlin?  who doesn't love a cock-blocking Emmett?  Show of hands?  Noone?  Thats what I thought!  ON with the shennanagins babes!

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

    Pups

Reviewer: kisbydog Signed [Report This]
Date: October 23, 2010 11:01 PM Title: And that's when you lose yourself....

I love that B's not giving it up too easy for these studs! Good girl!

I'm going to be honest with you about something, because I would want the same from someone reviewing my story.  I felt that the scene in 3 different POV's was tedious and unneccesary.  You actually did a good job of showing what eveyone was thinking without having to show their POV.  Know what I mean? 

Great story!  Super hot! I can't wait to see what goes down at Edward's house!

Reviewer: kbelle Signed [Report This]
Date: October 23, 2010 2:35 PM Title: And that's when you lose yourself....

Loved this chapter. Yes last night was soon enough for an update. I look forward to the updates. 

Author's Response:

Hi Babe-

  I'm glad teh update schedule worked for you!:-)

Pole dances and panty flashes,

    Pups

Reviewer: kisbydog Signed [Report This]
Date: October 22, 2010 1:21 AM Title: Chapter 2

Ooh, dirty.  I love it!

Author's Response:

Hee.  Thanks sweets, that's kinda what we are going for.  There will be more from the next chapter posted tonight!

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

   Pups

Reviewer: kisbydog Signed [Report This]
Date: October 22, 2010 1:06 AM Title: And it Starts......

Christ on a condom!  I love it! 

Author's Response:

Hiya Honey!

   I'm glad you like it!  I am especially fond of that line....I did a little dance when I wrote it.  Thanks for taking the time to read and review.  If you look below you will find a bit of a tease for the next chapter.

 

Pole Dances,

    Pups

Reviewer: kbelle Signed [Report This]
Date: October 21, 2010 10:10 PM Title: Chapter 2

Great chapter. Looking forward to see what happens next. Please update soon.

Author's Response:

Well thank you my dear!   I am really glad you are enjoying it.  Would tonight be soon enough for an update? :-)

Pole dances and panty flashes,

   Pups

Reviewer: kbelle Signed [Report This]
Date: October 21, 2010 10:10 PM Title: And it Starts......

THis sounds like it is going to be an awesome story. I am looking forward to more.

Author's Response:

Well thak you my dear!   I'm glad you are enjoying it so far!  If you look down below you will see a teaser of the next chapter which I will be posting tonight.  Thanks for taking teh time to read and review!

Pole Dances and Panty Flashes,

   Pups

Reviewer: yankeerose Signed [Report This]
Date: October 21, 2010 1:06 PM Title: Chapter 2

From one whore to another...loving the story;)

Author's Response:

Well thank you darlin!  I'm glad you are enjoying it!  Heres a little sneak peek at the next chapter, hop you like it!!!!!

Jasper POV

New girl continued to slowly walk towards where I was sitting. Right before she got to the table she tripped and fell on her ass again, that beautiful ass, giving me a glance at her lace panties again. Delicious. She looked up at me and flushed a new color as she tried to stand up. How many different shades of pink did this girl have? I guess I'll just find out later. I got up to where I was standing over her. Time to kick into smooth motherfucker mode.

"Hmmm, this is the second time I've seen you fall on your ass today. Do you do that often?"

"I'm clumsy." She looked embarrassed.

"Would you like me to help you up?" I extended my hand towards her. She reached for it but I pulled back just before she touched me. "It may cost you."

"What?"

"A conversation with me. See, I've already reserved us a private table," I motioned to where I had been sitting.

"I don't even know you." She giggled making her tits shakes. Fuck.

"You will." And I'll know every inch of your naked body. I slipped in another wink.

"Ok. Are you going to help me up now?"

"My pleasure," I grabbed her hand and took her to our table. "I'm Jasper Whitlock by the way."

"Bella Swan"

"So, Bella Swan, how do you like Forks? Mike Newton?" I wanted to know what she thought about Forks High's resident douche. I flashed her another sexy grin.

"Forks ... is too wet and um ... cold, and well it could ... it lacks this magnificent object called the sun," Her eyes were wide staring at me. That's right, hail to the king. "Mike Newton is..." She cut herself off as someone approaching caught her eye and quickly looked down. For a moment I thought Newton might be walking this way and I really didn't feel like dealing with the twat right now. I looked to where Bella's eyes had wandered and there was fucking Cullen. Fine, let the games begin.

"Annoying, and doesn't know when to take a hint," Cullen finished Bella's sentence for her. He was being a smooth motherfucker today too. "Hello, Isabella, my name is Edward Cullen." He was always too polite.

"It's Bella, Cullen, and we're having a one-on-one conversation here. Why don't you head back to your table and finally fuck my sister so she'll quit being such a bitch."

"She's not really my type Jasper, whore and all, but I'm sure Bella here wouldn't mind if I joined the two of you, would you Bella?" He glided his fingers over the back of her hand. Cockblock.

Bella hadn't looked up from her shoes since Cullen had reached the table. She jumped when he touched her and shook her head. She looked up at him, made an o-face, and stared, to which he replied with one of his crooked grins. Damn he was good. Thankfully right then the bell rang. Bella and Cullen didn't break their eyes away from each other. That won't do. I put my lips to Bella's ear.

"That means it's time to go to class sweetheart." I lightly touched my tongue to her earlobe and she shuddered. God she tasted amazing.

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

    Pups

Reviewer: Devon Stone Signed [Report This]
Date: October 20, 2010 8:00 PM Title: Chapter 2

I love the play between the boys! Also,your universe perspective is new and cool.

Author's Response:

Hi Devon-

   Thank you spo much for reading and reviewing.  I'm so glad you are enjoying it!  We have about 6 more chapters and lots of little tidbits already written.  Heres a little teaser of whats to come.

 

Jasper POV

New girl continued to slowly walk towards where I was sitting. Right before she got to the table she tripped and fell on her ass again, that beautiful ass, giving me a glance at her lace panties again. Delicious. She looked up at me and flushed a new color as she tried to stand up. How many different shades of pink did this girl have? I guess I'll just find out later. I got up to where I was standing over her. Time to kick into smooth motherfucker mode.

"Hmmm, this is the second time I've seen you fall on your ass today. Do you do that often?"

"I'm clumsy." She looked embarrassed.

"Would you like me to help you up?" I extended my hand towards her. She reached for it but I pulled back just before she touched me. "It may cost you."

"What?"

"A conversation with me. See, I've already reserved us a private table," I motioned to where I had been sitting.

"I don't even know you." She giggled making her tits shakes. Fuck.

"You will." And I'll know every inch of your naked body. I slipped in another wink.

"Ok. Are you going to help me up now?"

"My pleasure," I grabbed her hand and took her to our table. "I'm Jasper Whitlock by the way."

"Bella Swan"

"So, Bella Swan, how do you like Forks? Mike Newton?" I wanted to know what she thought about Forks High's resident douche. I flashed her another sexy grin.

"Forks ... is too wet and um ... cold, and well it could ... it lacks this magnificent object called the sun," Her eyes were wide staring at me. That's right, hail to the king. "Mike Newton is..." She cut herself off as someone approaching caught her eye and quickly looked down. For a moment I thought Newton might be walking this way and I really didn't feel like dealing with the twat right now. I looked to where Bella's eyes had wandered and there was fucking Cullen. Fine, let the games begin.

"Annoying, and doesn't know when to take a hint," Cullen finished Bella's sentence for her. He was being a smooth motherfucker today too. "Hello, Isabella, my name is Edward Cullen." He was always too polite.

"It's Bella, Cullen, and we're having a one-on-one conversation here. Why don't you head back to your table and finally fuck my sister so she'll quit being such a bitch."

"She's not really my type Jasper, whore and all, but I'm sure Bella here wouldn't mind if I joined the two of you, would you Bella?" He glided his fingers over the back of her hand. Cockblock.

Bella hadn't looked up from her shoes since Cullen had reached the table. She jumped when he touched her and shook her head. She looked up at him, made an o-face, and stared, to which he replied with one of his crooked grins. Damn he was good. Thankfully right then the bell rang. Bella and Cullen didn't break their eyes away from each other. That won't do. I put my lips to Bella's ear.

"That means it's time to go to class sweetheart." I lightly touched my tongue to her earlobe and she shuddered. God she tasted amazing.

 

Pole dances and panty flashes,

    Pups